Chronicles Of Potternia
by littlelazyeye
Summary: A weird kooky mad dog story where harry finds a new world my entering a secret toilet meeting new friends and pals..............what will happen next?
1. The Crack of Dawn

The Chronicles of potter-nia

by: Kevin Houlahan & Jessica Seaton

it was a gassy afternoon in which harry awoke at the crack of dawn little did he know that his butt was the dawn and his crack had leeked a little gas. The smell traved up to vernons room.

harry is dead meat .

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH", vernon says as he runs out his room to find harry. "blasted child blew me torch again'", he said.

Harry awoke at the uproar of vernon and knew he had done it again.

With one last effort he ran out from under the cramped room under the stairs and ran for the bathroom.

Vernon arose to the cramped room under the stairs only to grunt in disapproval and smelled the room to the bathroom.

harry opened the door to the bathroom only to find pikachu pulling up his leather thong.

"ME PIKA LA KOLA ", roared pikachu in pain

"go away my uncle vernon is coming"replied harry

with one last attempt he sat at the toilet to let the rest out

but just then. . . . . .

"HARRY POTTER YOU MONSTROUS GAS FILLED BALLON OF NEVER ENDING TURD IF I TOLD YOU ONCE I'VE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES IF YOU MUST FART GO OUT IN THE YARD AND KILL THE NEIGHBORS YARD WITH YOUR GAS OF NEVER ENDING DEATH!", roared uncle vernon

out of fear harry pulled the handle and yelled

"IMADUNWITAPOOPY"

and with that the toilet flushed and sucked him in along side his new chinpokomon "poop"

"whats this strange thing"

he was in a forest surrounded in poop

"MY POOP CAME OUT GREEN", yelled harry in astonishment

"not really for you see the yellowish pigment inside me gives me a bit of reality dont you think sir pots and pans"

"who was that?" ,asked harry

"WHY HOW DARE YOU RUBBISHLY DUMP ME HERE AND NOT KNOW ME! AFTER ALL YOU ARE MY FATHER! I SPENT 8 WHOLE HOURS IN YOU AND THIS IS MY REWARD! HOW DARE YEE POOP ME AND DIS ME I SHALL NOW SPIT IN YOUR FACE!"

poop was spat at harry from the ground. Harry looked down and saw only his poop companion.

"IT IS I SIR COCONUT CORNFLAKES MC GUILICUT THE CHEESE POOP!", replied the poop.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh"roared harry.

"oh my what is that smell it is atrocious it smells like shit"said the piece of poop

"ummm i dunno maybe it was you!" replied harry

"why how dare you?" said the poop

Just then the poop farted

"WHOA CALM DOWN HORSEY!" yelled the poop

then there was a voice from over the poop hill

"who is this that has entered the shadow realm!

"why I'm harry potter good sir"replied harry

"Bow down to me for it is i . . . . "

"YU- GI - OH!"

"Who?"asked harry

"you know the great and powerful . . . . "

"YU - GI - OH!"

"Nope never heard of you" replied harry

"YOUR INSULT OUTRAGES ME SO I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!" said yugioh

"Duel?" asked harry

"a duel is a battle between people using chinpokomon or duel monsters!" said sir poop

"a battle? okay what are the rules?" asked harry

"The rules are simple just use your chinpokomon and it will fight for you and i will use my own chinpokomon tablets!" said yugioh

"tablets?" asked harry

"Tablets are stone trapped creatures! They are locked away but can be summoned during battles..."

"this sucks ass!" said harry

FART

"cough what power is this cough too strong cough growing weak faints" said yugioh.

"you did it you won!" said sir poop

"So how do you trap chinpokomon into tablets"asked harry

"oh thats easy all you have to do is say the word or spell" replied sir poop

"and wat is that?" asked harry

"why!" asked sir poop

"fine then but you leave me no choice!"

"what are you going to do lol you dont even know the right spell!" yelled sir poop

"AVADA KADAVRA!"roared harry

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", roared the poop

Then he melted and turned into diahrrea...

It was weeks later and harry did not yet find a way home but saw a paper on the floor

It read:

WANTED!WANTED!WANTED!WANTED!

name: MICHAEL JACKSON

purpose: MOLESTING OF CHINPOKOMON

reward: 500 CHICKEN NUGGETS AND ONE CHINPOKOMON TRADING CARD!

(end)

"wow this guy has the right idea!" said harry to himself

"Really now?" said a voice from behind

the person behind him sqeezed harrys butt.

"What the?"yelled harry

"HUH? This isn't a chinpokomon?who are you?"

"Who are you?"replied harry

"Im jackson, michael jackson!"said michael

"awesome love your top rated songs like " beat it with my stick" and "thriller to the boys"

"why thank you. and sorry about the butt thing" said michael

"no problem heck im honored to have some one like you do that to me"replied harry

"he he he" giggled michael

" So where are you off to?" asked michael

"i dunno?" replied harry

"come with me to HOG-MOLESTING-WARTS SCHOOL OF WITCH MOLESTING CRAFT AND WIZARD RAPING SCHOOL"yelled michael

"OKAY!" REPLIED HARRY ALL EXCITEDLY


	2. Shakin' Strawberries in da hood

"We are off the see the wizard the most talented molested of all" sang harry and Michael

"THERE HE IS!" roared some angry village folk

"oh no run harry, get your hiny to the river on the otherside"said Michael

"okay but don't leave me alone"said harry

"USE YOUR MAGIC AGAINST THE DARK ONE!"said the old man

"CHINPOKOMON ATTACK !"

PICHU

PICHU

PICHU

BOOM

Harry climbs into a tree to see the fight instead of going to the river

"GLITTER BOMB OMB GLOVE" roared Michael\

just then a big glitter hand appeared and exploded the chinpokomon and blinded the village folk with glitter

"morbifix-cali-poke-you-in-the-eyes-o"

then the village folk ran up to Michael and then something evil happened…..

………………………..

POKE!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" roared harry from the tree

Michael had fallen and was about to die when harry said

"Bloodytamponfilledwithmiraclewhipversion2.0"

and then it happened………….

They say in whoville that, that day sir Michael jacksons skin got three times darker that day and with that so did his mood.

"oh no you didn't whoo hoo" sang Michael Jackson

"Justbeatit" he roared

and with that spell the villagers flew into the tower of anthrax and got chicken herpes soon to be called

the crab people later known as LIZA MANELLI

harry farts and boosts off the tree towards Michael jacksonf

Michael catches him by the WOOPSIE!

"now lets go off into the river where my special cruise awaits us believe me you will have fun he he he he he he he he he he he he

giggle

k

they walked for a while and decided to take a different path one that led to a dark and terrible place…..

"I LIKE OMG I LOVE THESE STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKES!" said harry

"I KNOW!" replied Michael

"HELP HELP THEY ARE CANNIBLE'S EATING US HELP HELP" yelled the little girl

"Hey I wonder if they are filled with frosting!"

"I don't know lets find out"said Michael

"How?" asked harry

"I don't know maybe its in their huge mushroom heads!" said Michael

"NO NO THERE IS NOTING IN THERE JUST BLOOD" yelled the girl

harry squeezes the girls head but noting happens

"NO NO NO your doing it wrong you gotta do the moves first!"said Michael

"k so wat are the movies?"

"I'LL SHOW YA!" said Michael

"hurry up or I'm gonna throw up for fun!"

"GRAB IT BY THE HEAD YOU TAP IT LIGHTLY JUST ENOUGH TO SOFTEN IT AND THEN COMES THE BEST PART…………………………YOU……….

SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKER

SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKER

SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKER

SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKER

SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKER" sang Michael

"okay let me try" says harry all exitedly

he grabs the girls head taps it and shakes her like a salt shaker

she gets so shaked up the gas is uncontrollable

we open her mouth and out comes tons of frosting

but something else comes out of her……….

At first it is covered in frosting and only appears to be a yellow fur ball

But then it talks

"TO DA VIA ME PIKA LA KOLA" it screamed

"Pikachu" yelled harry all happy


	3. The Condom of paris hiltons past

After Michaels and Harry's incident with strawberry shortcakes

. They left and ventured in to the forest of the evil Goombas……….

Michael warned Harry that the Goombas were pure evil… there poke was harder than there bite. Michael experienced this Earlier in his years.

They began walking through the forest of the Goombas… when suddenly

POKE

the Goomba spoke to Michael and said:

How are you my son? Harry was surprised and asks the Goomba how can you be Michael's father...

The Goomba explained to Harry that Michael was once a handsome black fellow when suddenly he was brutally poked by the little Chinpokomon

Harry screamed: CHINPOKOMON!...

We met them earlier on our journey!

Yes my dear once poked by a chinpokomon

you will turn whiter than the back side of the Pillsbury doughboy's fat ass

but don ask me how I know that my son

shifty eyes

Now what brings you to the Dark Forest of the Goombas

asked the mightiest Goomba of them all.

Well said Michael

we were umm we were well umm I wanted to teach him the way of….

THE MEGAMAN TRANSFORMERS

then suddenly Michael Jackson transformed into the Mega Green Toilet Transformer.

Harry fainted…

Michael left Harry just lying on the ground;

True Junior Megaman never faints…

The Goomba also left Harry as well….

But he did leave Harry with one thing a HUGE piece of corn on the back of his throat.

The Goomba said that it would help Harry on his journey.

The corn holds a magical power

POKE.

Harry awoke to a korn on his face…

Then Harry screamed, "who peed kidney stones on me?"

to his surprise no one was there.

Harry grew scared and asked who goes there?

Harry heard a voice which sound very squeaky as if were dying.

Harry still saw no one...

Then finally he asked "where are you?"

Look down shit face said the voice again

Harry looked down to only see a used condom.

The Condom then spoke…

Its is I "Trojan Man" The Condom from Paris Hiltons Pas

t. Then cough cough cough went the condom as he gasped for air.

Harry asked the Trojan Man what was wrong.

Trojan Man spoke slowly and said,

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK

IM THE CONDOM FROM PARIS HILTON'S PAST YOU FOOL…

IM DYING!"

Harry chuckled a bit which angered Trojan Man.

In rage Trojan Man turned into a big balloon and burst on Harry…

BOOM!

Harry then apologized for the girlie like giggles made by evilcheerleaders of maxipadcoolness on steroids.

Harry then asked Trojan Man if there was any thing he would like him to do for him,

The Trojan man spoke and said,

"I would like you to perform this task for me."

What is it? Said Harry.

Trojan Man continued…

"You must roll in da hood and chillax wit dem gangstas

Then destroy dem fools wit yo glock 9 yo"

Harry then replied I will if my lovers name isn't Sir Poopsalot.

The Trojan Man said, "Thank You"

And with those Trojan Man died

And turned into a viral germ that would soon attack Ashley Simpson's throat.

(Just another reason to blame her horrible singing on acid reflux).

Harry left the Forest of the Evil Goombas and began a long road in to da hood which is now called

"East Compton"

Harry was on his way trying to figure out how he is going to survive the hood life

and complete his mission

without getting blasted in to the year when Vernon wasn't a over plump brut.

Harry had to figure out a way to roll in da hood without getting noticed

but just basically blending in with everyone.

Aha said Harry

ive got it!

Harry decided to roll in an Impala on 24 dubs.

So Harry found the ride for his journey

and he was on his way to

da Hood yo………

Harry drove for a long time

but realized that he was in the hood

when he saw the big sign which read:

**WELCOME TO EAST COMPTON**

and under there a local gang tagged something under that which said:

**Where we blast dem** **fools**

Harry rolled up on the side of a liquor store to see if can get something to eat.

All of a sudden a hooker runs to the side of his car and says

HEY!… Como lo quieres!

Harry screams and forgets about eating anything and drives off.

Harry thought to himself he was going to be traumatized for life…..

I mean wouldn't you be a afraid if a hooker comes up to you looking like Star Jones

but 500 pounds heavier in a bikini?

After driving a while near unconscious,

he finds himself by a local park

and there he saw neighbor hood gangstas.

He new what he ha to do complete the mission given to him by

Trojan Man……

he… had… to……..


End file.
